Chewing the Obscenery

By Alan Hindle

Monday November 5, 2007

Halloween is over, but the monsters are only just starting to crawl from the shadows. This week sees the 2007 Here Be Monsters arts festival at The Dollhouse Studios (42 West 8th Ave) running from November 7th—11th. Theatre, cabaret, visual art, nipple tassels and a small Asian man lapping from a hamster wet bar strapped to an innocent bystander’s crotch — these are just a few of the creatures parading themselves about for your sordid pleasure. Also, The Pretty Titty Burlesque, This is Cancer— Live! (a man made blind from cancer, but…is very funny about it) Atomic Vaudeville (a collective which includes pretty much every artistically bent person in Victoria) will all be there. What a scene! Fumble your way out of the porn sites, drag your sweaty fingers across the keys until they spell herebemonsters.ca and put your pants back on for Christ’s sake. You’re still at work and it’s not even Casual Friday yet.

Please kindly direct your attention to the image above. This is the dreaded yodeling Crotch Ghoul, or ‘Loungezilla’ one of several monsters you will see at the fest. It has one foot, one arm, plus another giant hand growing out of its ankle and an inability to stop embarrassing itself.

You see? Monsters. All over the place. Now, take your pants off again. The boss is gone out for a smoke and you’re not fooling anybody that you actually know what you’re supposed to be doing so you might as well surf. Try typing in ‘Granny’ and ‘Donkey’. I’ll show you something monstrous…