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A Dozen Things

By only

Wednesday February 1, 2006


Screaming Chicken Burlesque have been given the Raymond Burr Theatre in New West—the only reputable theatre with a bar right in the seating area—as their new permanent home. In conjunction with Precious Productions, Sweet Soul and others, pop in and see the best of local and American smutmëisters pop out. Laugh, get a chubby, pass out. LIFE.

(Feb 9-12— for details)


“Ronald Reagan came up to me and said do you have the answer/To the U.S. economy, and a cure for Cancer/I said what you doin’ in The White House if you ain’t sellin’ cocaine/ Ask your wife Nancy Reagan, I know she’ll spit that game/Like one day she came to my house and gave me a blow job…”

—Cuss Words… and it only gets better.

(Feb 10th – Plush)


A worldwide whack of relevant, funny, and provoking movies about cultural, political and economic revolution and other exciting things that you’ll realistically never do…Until you really do have to…do…them.

(Feb 10-12th – Langara College)


Did anyone ever notice that the dog from Full House was named ‘Comet’ (a cleaning product)? That makes sense because Danny Tanner was a clean freak. Bob Saget has made his fortune and now does stand-up about how far he can stick his arm in an asshole. Make a trek to the River Rock Casino to see him and get creeped the fuck out. Zombies.

(Feb 10th – River Rock Casino)


Jason and Andrew move their inexplicably popular night from The Met to The Columbia, basically to prove that they can make anyone go anywhere, and that yer all a bunch a sheep. So, since you’re really gonna miss The Met, go there for one last line.

(Feb 10th – The Met)


Go to The Georgia Straight’s website and Google “Pitchfork”. Then Google “hipster”. Yeah, not such a big deal, but we’re just pointing out how they name drop all the time to pretend to be relevant, mention hipsters to seem cool, and tell you to Google lots of stuff to seem all up on technology.


Julia, the drummer from They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?, made an awesome video for their song ‘Sunlight’. There is a scene that resembles the silhouette of Chris-a-riffic dancing like he has to pee. Catch them in Miami for Spring Break with Hot Hot Heat.

(They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?)