Santa, Timeless

By Chuck Ansbacher

Friday December 15, 2006

Last year I went to Metrotown for the first time in my life to interview Santa, but I got too stoned before hand and got all nervous and chickened out. This year I stayed straight and got the job done. It was rewarding.

ONLY: How old are you, Santa?

SANTA: Oh, I’m pretty old. Many moons have passed since I was…

ONLY: What do you do during the off-season?

S: Relax. Get things in line for next year.

ONLY: What’s your favourite pastime?

S: Uh, that’s a good question. What’s my favourite pastime… I really don’t know. I like everything.

ONLY: What do you think is the number one gift for Christmas this year?

S: Well, the little ones still like Thomas the Tank Train…

ONLY: Really?

S: …And there’s a bunch of fancy things out there. Animals and what have you… you know, prehistoric.

ONLY: If you could wish one thing for the world this Christmas, what would it be?

S: Get things in order, and get peace all over. Get rid of the fighting and get the boys back home.

ONLY: That’s a great wish.

S: Oh, and Merry Christmas.