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Candles Aren't the Only Thing B.C. Blows

By only

Wednesday February 6, 2008

It’s hard to know what to expect from a 150th birthday celebration. It’s rare that any of us, or anybody in the history of the world, have ever known anybody who has lived to 150 years. Lots of people have lived to 100-years-old, and that’s still a big deal – the centennial and all. Hell, anything after 80 is a big deal. You have lived a long time if you make it to 80. And 50 too! And if you’ve been married for 50 years, that’s the Golden Anniversary. So 50 is definitely a lot of years. But one-hundred-and-fifty years? 150! It’s just so fucking old. How do you even begin to celebrate getting that old?

Well, British Columbia has some pretty good ideas. Oh you didn’t know? Yeah, BC is turning the big One-Five-0 this year. It’s a really big deal, and BC is throwing it down correct. “Party of the century! All year long!” At least that’s what everybody’s saying, and it’s not hard to see why. There’s a party going down somewhere in this cool province almost every week! Can anyone say “conga line”? For an entire year??

The fun already started like a whole month ago, but don’t worry, it’s all been evenly distributed. Coming up on Friday, for example, is the Canadian Culinary Foundation’s Annual Western Regional Conference. The CFCAWRC ’07 was one of the most bitchin’ weekends of last year. If you were there, you know.

Unfortunately, not all of the events take place in Vancouver. New West gets the sweet Easter Antique Car Parade, Williams Lake gets the Williams Lake Stampede, White Rock gets a Teddy Bear Picnic and so-forth. But big deal, we get the fireworks. Everyone knows that fireworks are the ultimate way to celebrate everything.

And what’s not to celebrate? Our little piece of Pacific paradise has accomplished so much since it was born. Like how back in 1986 when over 3,000 people were evicted from the DTES in the pre -event eviction craze that lead up to EXPO ’86. Party! And way before that, when B.C. removed First Nation kids from their families to teach them how to assimilate in Residential schools? Man that was nice. Sure the Government tore families apart, children mysteriously died and there’s that whole legacy of abuse finally bubbling up to the surface thing, but BC meant well. Not like when it charged a head-tax on Chinese immigrants. That was a bit mean, but Steve Harper has just apologised for it so hopefully it’s all water under the bridge. After all, they did let them in. But those 376 Indian refugees who arrived by boat back in 1914 didn’t fare as well. Luckily the province is happy to forgive and forget. Like they want to about that whole 8 year period of missing women… luckily Willie Pickton just looks so totally guilty. With that mangy hair and weird head that screams “I did it! I totally killed all those women over the course of years while no one followed up on any of the leads people provided.” That was almost a real party stopper. Unlike the “Highway of Tears” thing… oh,never mind.

So BC should be happy because that’s all in the past, right? Today is yesterday’s tomorrow and right now we’re the goddamn Gateway and we look forward to another 150 years of social justice and provincial awesomeness and rad-o-mania. We have the Olympics coming and the homeless problem is totally under control. Mental health issues? Taken care of! Plus there is genuine equity between rich and poor, and everyone’s happy. Now give us a fucking cupcake.