Credit Check: Soothing

By only

Thursday January 31, 2008

- 1 Nobody’s saying why UBC’s Biological Sciences Building was locked down yesterday, but three bucks says it’s something to do with a tall skinny dude in a pony-tail and a trench coat. A black trench coat. And maybe even Call of Duty 4.

- 1 The two lonely cops in the anti-graffiti unit will be going to back to wearing gloves and cleaning up puke today, but anything’s got to be better than spending a whole day deciphering a complex text display, only to find out it reads ‘Cacknuckles loves big titties’.

- 1 West Vancouver mall emergency! Park Royal was shut down yesterday because somebody’s granny bought a fake Abercrombie and Fitch. Jeeeessssussssss…

±0 Scientologist Sarah Mclachlan will be giving even more cash to kids to help them make adult contemporary slow jams for lonely women to cry to while reading Sophie Kinsella and thinking about feeding African children through Christian organizations. Not good.

- 1 Vancouver’s seen 33 bank robberies in January, and the only thing to keep this from happening to your bank is to take out all of your money, every last penny. Everyone. Now go.

Today: - 4 This Year: - 43