Credit Check: Less Stank

By only

Tuesday December 11, 2007

- 3 Canadian soldiers serving in Afghanistan will not be receiving more than 1,700 care packages that had been collected by charity groups because they were not addressed to any specific soldier, and thus posed a security threat… And then they killed Santa.

+2 An Icelandic teen got lucky over the weekend when he reached President Bush on his super-secret personal White House telephone line. How did the kid outsmart all of the expert phone security on the other end to get to the big guy? He just kept saying “Hi. Um, I’m looking for Amanda Stick McCockin.” And they kept saying “Please hold.”

- 4 Some important people in Quebec have decided that no civil servant – not even teachers or judges – should be able to wear hijabs. And wow, you gotta hand it to them. What better way to get rid of all the Muslim teachers and judges than to tell them they can’t do something that their religion kind of tells them they have to do.

+2 Opponents of cigarette smoking are expressing outrage over a new Japanese innovation known as Less Smelling Smoke, which literally makes cigarettes less smelly. The big concern is that if you can’t smell the cigarette smoke, you don’t know to turn around and spit on the guy smoking behind you.

- 2 Talking Jesus action figures have sold out at all Walmart locations, and a spokesperson for the manufacturer of the toy has actually swear-to-God 100% said “We feel blessed that the toys are now in the hands of thousands of children, teaching them the word of God. Yay to the Lord be praised on this righteous day, and glory be bestowed down from God on this date forth to our labouring brothers and sisters in China, because now we’re all fucking rich, beeeitch.”

+5 The bad news: McDonald’s stock has hit an all-time high due to strong sales. The good news: It is TOTALLY cool to eat McDonald’s again!

±0 Led Zeppelin played for the first time since 1980 Monday night in London, and holy fuck did they look scary. Besides, rap is totally better than rock.

Today: ±0 This Year: - 167