Credit Check

By only

Thursday September 13, 2007

- 2 According to local authorities, the recent surge in gang related gun-play stems from a large number of gang members having guns and using them. The five detectives that it took to produce such a mind blowing discovery were promptly promoted, and have since gone on to deduce that sand exists, but it doesn’t taste good.

- 4 Vancouver smokers may soon be banned from indulging on outdoor patios, which makes a lot of sense in a moderately capitalist, democratic society.

- 8 If you ever meet a guy named Alwin Colin Benson who looks like this, drop everything you’re doing and run! And while you’re running, start yelling “Holy shit everybody RUN! It’s Alwin Colin Benson, the HIV infected, Hep-C having pedophile who just got out of jail and loves to rape!” Everyone will thank you later, when they’re still alive because they didn’t get AIDS.

- 2 In what can only be described as some of the laziest, softest, most underhanded “journalism” ever, Katie Couric elegantly demonstrates why nobody in the world gives a fuck about her.

+1 That Canadian artist is getting pretty close to launching his giant geostationary banana into outer space. Suggested title for the movie about this guy’s plight: The Giant Banana Making Artist. Get Billy Bob in that thing and it’s guaranteed box-office gold.

+5 Some very awesome real life Yacht Rock found in this enlightening documentary about the making of Steely Dan’s “Peg”.

+7 As most early reports have Kanye beating 50 Cent in this big record sales competition, Kanye comes out with the best rap video in years. No guff.

+1 Just gonna throw this out there: anybody else think that Robert Downey Jr. would make a way better Oscar host than Jon Stewart? Discuss.

Today: - 2 This Year: - 31