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Monday April 14, 2008


At this point, what can be said about Juno that hasn’t already been said? More than anything, we want to ignore this movie, forget about it, pretend it never existed, and hope to God it doesn’t have any long-lasting effect on the way movies are made. Sadly, chances are all of the above will be impossible. Juno was already a horrible movie when it was originally released. We groaned and cringed at the dialogue, balked at the retarded story line, hated the performances… and then they ALL got nominated for fucking Oscars. Please! Throw acid on our wounds! The movie made a killing at the box-office and that stripper bitch won for Best Screenplay. Those kinds of wild successes don’t simply go unnoticed in Hollywood. Just as the ’90s were bogged down in an ocean of Pulp Fiction rip-offs, the years ahead are sure to be the Juno years. And oh my, the sadness is overwhelming, and the salt of our tears tastes like a refreshing glass of lemonade.

Lars and the Real Girl
We avoided this movie in theatres because it sounded like a comedy sketch idea blown up into feature film length, and that is usually a really bad idea. But you know what? We were wrong. That’s right, we’ll admit it. Sure, when you hear the simple plot about how a nervous and reclusive brother orders a blow-up doll online and then delusionally treats her like a living girl, you go “dumb”, right? Hey, we did too. But the movie is sweet and funny and somehow manages to really mine this plot line and craft a sensitive and rich comedy. It’s pretty awesome how everyone in the small town recognises that Lars is mentally ill, and so to help him, they play along and treat Bianca like a real girl too. Touching, really. Unfortunately we couldn’t stop wondering why it isn’t like this in real life, because whenever people meet Gretchen down here at the office it seems to make them uneasy. Is it the bib? Weird.

Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead
Sidney Lumet has had a long and venerable career, responsible for films like 12 Angry Men, Fail-Safe, Network, Dog Day Afternoon and of course The Wiz. So you gotta ask, Sidney, what were you thinking? Filled with totally unnecessary flashbacks and flashforwards, this unmoving crime thriller was so run of the mill and predictable, even Philip Seymour Hoffman playing a creep again couldn’t hold our interest. Sure he does kind of look like Albert Finney, but the most interesting question raised during the movie was why Marisa Tomei doesn’t do more nude scenes, because she has a gorgeous body. True. She does. Good question. See what we thought when it was in theatres .