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Monday January 28, 2008


The Nines
If we had to write this review in five words, we would say: “The poor man’s Mulholland Drive.” If we were writing it in fifteen words, we would say: “This movie has the best twist ending ever. Ryan Reynolds finds out that he’s God.”

The Invasion
This Invasion of the Body Snatchers remake starts off decent, but then quickly descends into what might best be described as “goofy”. It just seems strange watching Nicole Kidman do almost anything… And then there’s the whole re-make in modern day thing. No point in ranting about how remakes suck, but there’s always this thing that nags us about them: Since this movie obviously takes place in the real world, where people watch CNN and own PSPs and everything, hasn’t anyone ever seen Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Because you would assume at least one person has, if not more. And when — all of a sudden — everyone becomes really weird and brainless and people start disappearing and shit, wouldn’t that person go “Holy shit, this is just like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Seriously, have you seen that. It’s the exact same shit!” Seems reasonable.

The King of California
Here’s a mustn’t see movie where Michael Douglas basically does a poor imitation of Jeff Bridges’s character, the Dude. Here’s why that’s a problem: Whenever you watch another movie starring Jeff Bridges, all you hear is the Dude. Arlington Road? The Dude gets paranoid. Seabiscuit? The Dude gets a horse. White Squall? The Dude gets a boat. He’s the Dude. Michael Douglas, on the other hand, is Gordon Gekko, the sex addicted fuck fiend who kills and cheats on his wives, knows what Sharon Stone’s privates look like and always sounds like he’s narrating a Ford commercial. You wanna see that guy getting high, saying “man” a lot with Birkenstocks and a beard? No, you want to see him eating ice cream in slow-mo while he stares into your eyes, and then mouths the words “let’s sixty-nine.”

Rocket Science
Will people please stop trying to make “quirky” indie films. PLEASE!! Enough with the weird, shy character who breaks out of his shell to find happiness. Enough with the “cool” soundtrack and Rushmore style mise en scene. Enough with the weird, “kooky” family. An example: To reinforce how “weird” our stuttering high school hero really is they give him a suitcase with wheels on it instead of a backpack. Holy shit he’s sooo weird. Hey isn’t that the weird guy from Fargo playing his mom’s new lover, who has a gay son? Weird. All of this is just too precious and reeks of conspired effort.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season Six
It’s fun to discover where people sit on this show. We know a lot of people that actually hate Larry David, and consequently hate this show. We, however, are all for him. Sure he’s neurotic, self-centered and takes everything too far, but he’s got a good heart. Deep down he actually wants to be liked. This season is possibly the best ever as Larry takes in the Black family (who are black but that’s also their name) who were left homeless after a hurricane. There are also masturbation mix ups, family break-ups, missed party shenanigans, and plenty, plenty more. Through it all, Larry perseveres and tries to make sense of the world he slowly sees to be conspiring against him. Uncomfortably brilliant.

He Was A Quiet Man
The quote on the back of the box says it all: “William H. Macy co-stars in this acclaimed cross between Office Space and Taxi Driver…” Well, no need to spoil this movie by actually watching it.