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Monday December 10, 2007


Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix
Proving that there are indeed only like three stories to be told and retold in the whole of Western civilization, the fifth Potter movie is actually the best version of Star Wars ever made. Check it out: Harry Potter has a hidden past that links him directly to the Dark Lord. Here he struggles with his power and being drawn to the dark side. The evil forces are remounting an attack, and so Potter and his little band of Hogwart’s students must rally together to form a rebel army. The Ministry of Magic, like the senate, is in ruins. Instead of x-wing fighters they fly around on brooms, Dumbledore is Yoda and there is a rad magic wand/lightsaber battle with Voldemort at the end of this movie, leaving the score between good Potter movies and good Star Wars movies at a veritable tie. Star Wars (2) Potter (2).

The Bourne Ultimatum
Many years ago, nobody in their right mind could have predicted that Bagger Vance Damon would one day become the savior of the action film. And yet here we are, fingering ourselves with glee over another one of these impeccable Bourne films. Unlike almost every other franchise in history, these movies just keep getting better. Best car chases, best fight scenes, best off the cuff spy shit. But really, the absolute best thing about the Bourne movies is how they forced James Bond to step his game up. They got that pussy Brosnan out of there ASAP, made Bond into a brawler and gave him a rebellious streak… All great things, but still, this movie kills Casino Royale.

Lost Season 3
Lost is the best show on network television. We’ve been hooked on it since episode one, and devote entire evenings to convincing the ill-advised to do the same. Whatever excuse you have for not watching Lost, we’ve got a half hour explanation for why you always have a nagging sense of unfulfillment in life. Of course, Season Three is NOT the place to start. Lost isn’t a show for causal viewers, and it isn’t a show to start watching two seasons in… Man, that sounds fucking lame. Fine, whatever. Go watch Heroes instead until you learn some patience… sheep.