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Tuesday November 13, 2007


Shrek the Third
Remember when they used to turn popular movies into TV cartoons, like Ghost Busters and Teen Wolf and Beetlejuice? Shrek the Third basically feels like a really long version of the TV cartoon spin-off of Shrek. Like, if you took the idea for Shrek 3 into Jeff Katzenberg’s office and pitched it all enthusiastically, he’d probably go “Sounds great! Give me 23 more just like that and we got ourselves a series! GREEN LIGHT!” Or at least that’s how he should have gone. There’s nothing cinematic, memorable or more-than-22-minutes-worthy going on over here… Remember Ratatouille? Sure it was last week, but it’s a million times better than any Shrek movie. At this point we’d rather start dating Jared Leto and then have a home made porn tape of us all doing it with him leak onto the internet and become the most popular thing since the High School Musical than have to watch another one of these piece of crap CG cartoons that Dreamworks keeps shitting out.

Ocean’s Thirteen

Kenny VS. Spenny Season 3
It’s pretty hard to forgive how despicable this show is. It’s equally hard to get past how funny it can be, despite all the rude, crude and vicious humour these two best friends inflict on each other. But hey, it’s a living, and Kenny Hotz and Spencer Rice seem to be doing okay. Starting out on CBC and now on Showcase, this Canadian reality show with a twist has recently been picked up by Matt Stone and Trey Parker for Comedy Central so that’s gonna mean some good pay for all the pain, especially if they continue to up the ante. There are too many challenges to go through but we’ll just say that season three reaches a new low high when the two battle to see who can wear a dead octopus on their heads the longest. That alone is a great stupid challenge, but the shit gets CRAZZZY when Kenny spikes Spenny’s OJ with four hits of acid and spends the rest of the day waiting for Spenny to freak out and take the soppy squid off his head. It’s amoral and amazing. One thing though. It better be fucking real.

Paris, Je t’aime
So we were too busy drinking cheap wine and smoking cigarettes down to the filters over the weekend to watch this one this week. At least it wasn’t because we were lazy, just drunk. Everything we heard has been good, but we find that hard to believe, what with all the directors they had on the project. The Coen Brothers, Wes Craven, Gus Van Sant, Tom Tykwer, Alfonso Cuaron, Gerard Duperdu, Christopher Doyle… come on. Some of these people aren’t even directors. Gerard Duperdu? Directing? Sounds more than a little suspect. Like Freedom Fries.

State of Mind
You might remember a while back the Internet was going crazy for that video of the Filipino prisoners doing the Thriller dance in the excercise yard while the warden filmed it. It was kind of awesome, but a little creepy too. Well in North Korea they do something way more insane with what they call the Mass Games. A randomly timed gymnastic and parade like event held to celebrate an important birthday or national holiday, the Mass Games can feature up to half a million people working in perfect synchronization to tell a musical and athletic story of the strength and wisdom of the country’s leader. Like a gigantic Olympic opening ceremony, complete with gymnasts, flag wavers, ribbon throwers and ball rollers, it is symbolic of the creative expression only achievable through complete subjugation of the individual to the needs of the collective, as even the slightest mistake can cause you to be replaced. Back in 2002 a BBC news crew became the first outsiders allowed into the country to film preparations for the 2003 Mass Games and they conducted a series of interviews with two girls who were preparing as gymnasts. The result is a rare glimpse inside one of the world’s most closed cultures, and a stunning yet frightening window into an almost perfect cultural machine, but one that also faces catastrophic collapse. And man do they hate the US.