A Dozen Things

By only

Saturday April 1, 2006

Espace Sonique
The latest generation of iPod features the ability to “read a crowd,” thus making DJ’s irrelevant. Striking back, and desperate to make a buck in an oversaturated marketplace, the purveyors of the ones and twos are literally Dee-Jaying wherever, like boutiques, cafes and funerals. Don’t be suprised if you see some dude in an argyle sweater leaning over the decks slurring requests next time you’re out for Pho.
SoMa 2528 Main St. – Wednesday’s

Record & CD Swapmeet
Q: How many record collectors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Dude, you don’t know? I’ve got the original pressing on vinyl.
Croation Cultural Center — April 9th 11-5

ATL
Theaters across Atlanta are beefing up security for the opening weekend of ATL, anticipating large crowds of young black men to be in attendance (‘cause it’s about rap and stuff). In an effort to not come across as “racist,” they will also be performing full cavity searches of every tenth ticket-holder of Basic Instinct 2.
In theaters now

CHRIS VON SZOMBATHY
This ulti-disciplined musician and artist is releasing three new full albums, titled Audio Ahdeo Awdio, and is showcasing some of his newest paintings and sculptures. Artists tend to take themselves waaaay too seriously, so we’re just gonna pat this guy on the back for being able to make lots of stuff.
269 Powell Street — Saturday April 8th

MINDFREAK
You know that the world of magic is going through a rough patch when this goth jock with a lisp gets voted magician of the year by The Academy of Magical Arts. Hey Academy, this is the guy who used to give you wedgies in the cafeteria, and now he waxes his ass crack. Does he even know the history of magic?
Wednesdays at 10 on A&E

CURE FOR FEAR IS FEAR
Arachnophobes, cast off thine enemies’ legs and be free! Dr. Dominique de Quervain of the University of Zurich has discovered injections of cortisol, the body’s natural stress hormone, can help cure irrational fears and phobias. Which is something like saying drinking gasoline helps cure spontaneous combustion, but never mind. Studies suggest the treatment will work for all phobics, except Aichophobics, who are afraid of needles.

THE DA VINCI CODE
After years at number one in bestsellers list around the world, the Da Vinci Code is finally out in paperback. Having sold forty million hardcover copies at $40 a pop, author Dan Brown, likely getting a one-third cut, has reaped possibly $500,000,000.00. In theory the paperback will sell maybe 200 million, making Brown another full billion