Leftovers

By Chuck Ansbacher

Monday March 27, 2006

What’s up with the whole internet group suicide phenomenon that’s happening right now in Japan? It really blows my mind. I mean, how much effort do you think goes into designing a website where people go to talk about killing themselves? All these group suicide kids must be computer geeks too, right? And history tells us that depressed people are supposed to be the most creative, right? So wouldn’t it be totally fucked up if these websites were completely groundbreaking, and started being hailed for their innovative, effective design? And the suicide bound webmasters were then courted by all these big web design firms in Tokyo where they got wooed away from their suicide pacts with six figure deals, and trips to Vegas as their signing bonus? And then they’d probably get called out by their former internet group-suicide chat buddies for selling out or whatever, but what do they care now cause they’re hitting up models on the regular and balling with the Yakuza, sipping premium saki on the back of Kawasakis, tossing handfuls of yen in the air switching lanes screaming out “money aint a thing!” in Japanese, and can’t believe they used to even talk to these depressed geeks who spend all their time uploading new pics of their depressed faces onto their suicide pact profiles so they can maybe meet some down on her luck honey whose eager to give one last rim job before she asphyxiates herself with her posse next Tuesday out in the woods in the back of her camper van.