There are few things we despise more than people who had horses as children. Horse girls are waaaay worse than dog people and we’re pretty sure it has something to do with daddy issues. It seems like the kid who actually gets the pony probably did something really dirty to deserve it. That said, horse racing is totally wicked awesome because it’s mostly about alcohol and gambling. The track opens today, so place a bill on Silver Satan to show and count your winnings. Then head to the Astoria for the last They Shoot Horses show EVER with The Doers and Ice Cream. Then forget that your daddy ever raped you and stop talking in that high pitched voice. It’s totally ridiculous and you aren’t ten anymore as sad as that may make you. Chrissariffic can suck a d!!!