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Tuesday April 15, 2008

By only

Tuesday April 15, 2008

Hey, did you hear about how doctors and scientists want to examine Keith Richards’ body when he dies because he might be something of a genetic anomaly? Totally makes sense, right? Because while Keith bears the likeness of a man who was strapped to a skyward facing rock, and pelted with sleet and hail while simultaneously assailed by the sun’s blisteringly hot rays for hundreds of years until his skin became the most resilient, impenetrable material known to mankind, he is actually a surprisingly young chap, with a mere 64 years of long, Hepatitis C having years under his size 22 belt. So hey, you know what would be a phenomenal experience? Being able to see a video of this walking science experiment playing live with his band on a 500 foot tall screen, on which his smile lines would appear to be the size of Paul Bunyan’s ass crack… What? You fucking weirdo, you actually want to see that? The man is 64, looks like he’s 170, and talks like he’s James Lipton, but on the most Percocet that has ever been consumed by a single man, ever. And that’s at his most alert, after he’s received one of his tri-daily full body blood transfusions, or maybe a fire-hose-strength colonic. We exaggerate not, watching the man play guitar is like watching a drunk, human-sized raisin do its best impression of a slug trying to make out with itself. Seeing this film on the IMAX might be about as important as watching the series finale of Will and Grace.

Shine a Light plays multiple times daily at Canada Place.