Friday, February 29th, 2008

By David Look

Friday February 29, 2008

TEN 10 STEPS

1) The weather is nicer. Lift weights, maybe run a bit, feel good. Put on your tightest jeans.

2) Dinner, alone. Don’t invite anyone. Go to a stupidly popular restaurant slightly out of your price range and take up a table for four. Eat a lot of food and belch really fucking loud while consuming an alarming amount of alcohol. If you’re male, wear something around your neck, but not a tie. If you’re female, wear garters and stockings, but not a teddy.

3) Go home, have a long bath with a cold beer and text the second last person that you slept with. Tell them to meet you at Hoko’s to eat a bit of raunch sush, marvel at the kids that come to all ages shows, and listen to Ryan from Collapsing Opposites play a saxophone signed by Kenny G.

4) Tell the second last person you slept with that you have to pee, but instead slip out of Hoko’s and make the short step to the Emergency Room and send Twin Crystals off on a proper tangent to SXSW, and get some fashion tips from those fine fellows in Basketball.

5) By now you should be feeling sufficiently wonderful no matter how ugly you are. We recommend around this time that you profess to everyone that’s smoking out side the ER that you’re willing to front a cab to The Peanut Gallery at the back alley of 436 W. Pender because they’re showing photos by our man in the trenches Logan, and Dan Siney, who has provided us with numerous nude, nubile boy archers for our covers.

6) What the fuck, you want more?

7) OK, after you’ve discovered that you now have your own entourage just because you sprang for a lousy 10$ cab ride, take your minions to Crayon at 870 E. Cordova so they can watch you dance like a complete asshole and wear yourself out.

7) Get a Big Mac and a Butterscotch Sundae

8) Masturbate to OnlyAms.

9) Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

10) Be thankful that a night such as this is strictly intercalary.