A Few Reasons Why I Don't Live In Winnipeg

By only

Saturday July 5, 2008

1) I simply cannot live in a city that doesn’t appreciate the steakhouse on Portage Avenue called Rae and Jerry’s. The place is an absolute gem of late 50’s interior design. Long and low, black as a spade, and accented by blood red vinyl. They serve anomaly’s like pickled herring and sour cream as a cocktail snack. It sits largely empty on a Friday night while everyone stuffs themselves into the Earl’s around the corner that looks like a Wal-Mart with an awning on the front of it.

2) The fashion here is horrendous. Anyone that isn’t dressed in flip flops, bermuda shorts, and a t-shirt all bought no doubt from the American Eagle Whatevers outlet across the North Dakota border is pointed at and ridiculed. I was in my usual Friday night gentleman’s attire which must have made me look like I was from outer space to these people, especially after a dozen ounces of whiskey and dancing to some crap coming out of the speakers. I’m used to blending in with a plethora of other whack-o’s and obviously take the general attitude that nobody gives a fuck for granted.

3) I haven’t heard one decent song since I’ve gotten here, except for some mid career U2, which sounded pretty goddamn good last night. I’m speaking specifically of the song New Year’s Day. Wait, I think this is an oxymoron, cancel reason #3.

4) Friday night in Winnipeg and this city is dead, there was a bar called Alive that  we walked by and was for the most part, dead. It seemed that the only place with anyone in it, was called Whiskey Dix. Seriously, it sits right on the biggest intersection in the city, amongst some of the finer architecture this town has to offer, and the best they can do is some dump called Whiskey Dix. What a shithole. Of course it was packed. For shame, Winnipeg. For shame….