I like K’Naan. He’s true to himself and he makes original music which is something most Canadian rappers never learned themselves how to do. While he is nothing like The Roots, they both play with a live band and subsequently a lot of his (and their) fans fall into the hippie / college / white person category. But that’s not his (or their) fault ­ he concentrates on just making his own music. So while some of us were busy being closed minded and shopping for Tims and Chucks, Damian Marley recognized the real and picked K’Naan up for his Jamrock world tour. Since then he’s been steadily touring which is why he was somewhere in Europe every time I tried to get at him. Due to a time zone difference that had me getting up too early (I like to party) and him not being in his hotel room, the phone interview failed repeatedly. In the end I had to just email my retarded questions to his manager (Sol Guy) who then asked my retarded questions to K’Naan. This is what got sent back to me:

ONLY: As a native Somalia rapper who grew up in Toronto, Canada ­ how are you going to bring New York back and why are you never brought up in the “King of NY” debates?

K’NAAN: I think you are the first visionary who has ever interviewed me cause I don’t understand that either. For a long time I said I was the King of NY and also the King of Idaho. I now run shit in Idaho but I have yet to hear back from the King of NY committee.

ONLY: What are some fair, unfair and untrue Somalia stereotypes?

K: The fair stereotype is that we are all skinny. The unfair one is that we have the most beautiful women in the world — that’s way too much pressure. And one that’s untrue: Somalia is a peaceful country.

ONLY: Every time I type “Somalian” in my word document it suggests I change it to Somalia ­ is this correct?

K: Yes your computer is actually smart. Somali language is not a Latin derivative so it can’t contain the “ian” thing. Also, you don’t call the French “Frenchians”.

ONLY: What is needed to alleviate the situations in Somalia today?

K: They need to carpet-bomb Somalia with ecstasy. That’s obviously the only solution for peace and sustainable development.

ONLY: Are white kids allowed to have dreadlocks?

K: Fucking good question. Yes they are, as long as every other sentence is not Jah Rastafari.

ONLY: What’s the deal with the guy who waves that big ass Jamaican flag on stage with Damian Marley throughout the entire show? Could you beat him up?

K: That’s Donavon. He’s a bad ass chef and that’s who you do not want to beat up when you’re on a seven week tour.

ONLY: You’re maybe labeled as a conscious emcee. ­ How does that make you feel? Are you a vegetarian? Do you eat junk food?

K: I’m not an MC anything. I am a musician, conscious or whatever. I just like to make music. I’m not a vegetarian and I eat some junk food. I prefer pudding.

ONLY: Have you seen the hilarious Will Ferrell movie Blades Of Glory about the two male figure skaters that skate as a pairs team? Would Damien Marley’s flag guy like it?

K: Yes I’ve seen it and no, he wouldn’t, and for obvious reasons. [I think Jamaicans have some sort of code about men touching each other like that]

ONLY: Has the ease of illegally downloading music mp3s affected your career?

K: Yes, for the better too.

ONLY: I grew up in the Maritimes. In Nova Scotia there are a lot of charged emotions and clashes between natives and whites stemming from the fact that the natives have year round fishing rights because we stole their land and tried to genocide their race. Yet the poor whites have highly restrictive fishing limits due to the fact that Japanese trawlers have over fished our waters and depleted the cod stocks. So, do you like fishsticks?

K: You are insane! In fact fucked, what the hell kind of question is that?

ONLY: I’m a half-breed so I believe that race mingling is the key to preventing racism. Does your music appeal to all races?

K: All I know is that race mingling is also great after the shows.

ONLY: What’s your problem with Avocados [Google K-Os K’Naan beef]?

K: I’m not racist and I have white friends

ONLY: Since I only asked you retarded questions is there anything that I didn’t ask that you’d like to address?

K: Yes. An apple is fundamentally different from apple juice.

An edited version of this interview original appeared in Under Pressure #14
Thanks to Sol Guy. More on K’Naan here:

  • Comments
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

Crank That Halloween

Only’s rap editor, Rhek, along with local hip-hop impresario, The Stunt Man (Titan Sound, Stinkmitt), produced what we’re going to go ahead and call the definitive Halloween rap mix of all Halloween rap mixes ever conceived. Jeezy, Biggie, Master P, MF Doom and pretty much any MC that has ever written a song with the word “devil”, “hell” or “ghost” in the title all on this 52 track mix. Cop it here:

52 Separate MP3s (alternate link)

Or, 1 Long 79 min. MP3 (alternate link)

CD’s will be available tonight at the Go Dumb! Hollerween Party at the Waldorf (1489 East Hastings) with The Party Killahs: Moves, Rhek, The Stunt Man, and Rico Uno. Nothing scarier than a bunch of kids from the suburbs listening to rap music. Boo!

  • Comments [1]
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

hip-hop puts the internet in it's place

A few months ago I posted a quick blog about Hip-Hop, and how it isn’t dead. This was a response to an article on the Tyee about Hip-Hop, and how it is dead. The above video seems to settle this argument once and for all, and quite eloquently I might add.

(Via Nah Right and Oh Word and every other rap blog)

  • Comments [3]
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

The Finest Rap Song Ever Composed About the Skytrain

Everyone hates taking the SkyTrain. It’s cramped, uncomfortable, the people stink and it doesn’t go anywhere. Everyone has to take the SkyTrain. How else would you buy drugs in Surrey or visit Metrotown for its two Champs stores and its two A&W’s? You wouldn’t.

Vancouver rap legends Emotionz and DJ Moves have now come up with the single most definitive song about this city’s monorail. Using the simple sample that sounds off every station and the voice of “that bitch on the intercom” they have produced the best rap song of the summer and maybe the best song about Vancouver ever.

  • Comments [1]
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

Funkmaster Flex Destroys The '90s

Legendary New York DJ Funkmaster Flex spun an incredible five hour set of pure ’90s hip-hop during July 4th on Hot 97. It’s a pretty phenomenal mix, and is mandatory listening for any rap fan, even if you’re from the South. Here’s what Funk Flex had to say about the endeavor:

Listen to me New York, OK?! I’m in the ’90s strong! I’m not in the ’90s on some MTV videos, or some VH1 NONSENSE! OK?! It’s not what it is today. I didn’t come up here — I did NOT come up here — to play Hammer and Young MC! That’s NOT what it is. That’s not what represents the ’90s to me, OK? There’s nothing happy about the ’90s, alright? No extra smiling. This is real hardcore! People making records because they was just hyped. Alright?!

The entire set is available for download at Rosenberg’s World. Flex didn’t fuck around with this one, so go grab it quick. (Via Nah Right)

  • Comments
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

Writing about hip-hop being dead is dead

The Tyee ran a really dumb piece the other day about rap music, and how it is dead. Articles like this have been popping up around the internet for close to a year now. Some (like this one everyone should read) are extremely insightful and relevant. Others are great examples of why journalists are morons.

Hip-hop had a really bad 2006. Almost every rap heavyweight dropped an album, hardly any went platinum. Record sales have been down across the board, but no genre experienced the sudden decline that rap did. 2007 has been even worse. Not only have all of the major artists been either hibernating or sucking, but some atrocious songs have been shitted out by virtual nobodies. The situation is super bad. But yeah, hip-hop isn’t dead.

Hip-hop has “died” so many times that it is an obsolete cliché to even say so by now. It died when Biggie and Tupac died. It died when Eminem was born, and it died again when he won an Oscar. It died when Method Man starred in a deodorant commercial. It died when MC Hammer was invented. Where are all the dorky journalists complaining about rock-and-roll being dead because emo is so retarded? Nowhere. They don’t exist! You know why? Because rock music has been dead for-fucking-ever. It’s been dead since the Beatles broke up, or since Altamont, or since The Osbournes, or since who even gives a shit?

The author of that lame Tyee article claims that rap actually died in 1993, because that’s when the first Wu-Tang record came out. Obviously the guy is a lame old-head. Writing off the last fourteen years of hip-hop writes off the last fourteen years of music as a whole. Almost all musical innovation—specifically in the mainstream—has taken place in rap. It is the only genre on the radio and in the top 40 that has taken risks, been avant garde, been futuristic and innovative, and yet still been met with mega-success. And unlike disco, rap isn’t something that can simply die. It can go through shitty periods, it can suck, and it can become a complete joke. But it can also be re-invented. It has been constantly for over twenty years, and you’re an idiot if you think it won’t be again and again.

And just in case you don’t “keep up” with things, here’s the new proof that everything is going to be just fine.

  • Comments [4]
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

Racially Obsessive


My favorite part is the 2Pac drawing class

Never let me slip ‘cause if I slip, then I’m slippin’. Thank you Snoop Doggy Dogg. And never let me fall on my face in a bar bathroom, ‘cause if I fall on my face in a bar bathroom, then I fall on my face in a bar bathroom. Snap. I got the power. I got the bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-eviction notice the other day too. Woo hoo. Not even my fault this time. And, let this be known—even if you have no lease and your landlord evicts you because he broke up with his girlfriend and he needs to move back into your/his house because she kicked him out of the house that they shared together—well, if that happens then you don’t have to pay your last month’s rent. Woo hoo. Call the Tenant Rights Board. They’re like the good God. (Bonus: imagine how greezy the Landlord Rights Board people are.)

Wu-Tang is my favourite group but I just realised that they’re a bunch of fucking lunatics. Seriously. From their names to their brains there’s nothing sane about them. Their main influences are the 5% Nation Of Islam, Kung-Fu flicks and the trife life. That means they believe that the white man was created by the evil scientist Dr.Yacub, drunk Asians can beat everyone up and Bolivians got the best coke. Or else it means that I’m racially obsessive. I’m a half-breed. Either way how can hip-hop be dead if Wu-Tang is forever? Someone else came up with that. I can’t feel my face.

Detroit Public TV is the shit. And I’ve never been there. But I do own a TV, even though these days, it owns me. It tells me that BET is sponsored by AIDS. Seriously, every 2nd ad is an AIDS ad. At least Bodie from The Wire is back in my life, now as the host of Rap City (BET version not Much Terrible Music version). I was so happy to see the kid again, it wasn’t right what happened to him. Peep the WIRE DVD if you want to overstand me (but McNutty gets the gas face). Ice-T’s rap school is stupid like crack. So is Ego Trip’s The White Rapper Show. Ego Trip’s got that better crack though. Pure crack in the flesh enjoyment. It’s not a show, it’s an entity. Hallelujah Holla Back. PS: Serch is a dork. If you like rap or bad white people then this show is for you. If you hate bad rap and white people then this show is created by you. Good job.

Top 5 Bad Rap Names
1. Slim Thug
2. Young Joc
3. Lloyd
4. Puff Daddy
5. Jizzal Man
6. Kobe Bryant

  • Comments
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

Fourth Quarter Rap


I’m my own element. Like, if this was a bowl of fruit, I’d probably be a watermelon. You know what I mean? See, because Wu-Tang is like nine members. So one is a banana, grape, orange, pear—you know what I mean? I said watermelon ’cos I like watermelon. It’s nice.bq.
—Ghostface Killah

As of November, T.I.’s King was the only rap album to go platinum in ‘06. Maybe it’s because Latin broads and China dolls don’t know how to download music [Editor’s note: Maybe it’s because you’re a jerk]. Still, the 4th Quarter was heavy with rap releases this year, so let’s bring ‘em out:

L’il Wayne & Baby ­— Like Father Like Son
I didn’t actually hear this collabo but I did see the picture of them kissing each other on the lips. They claim it’s on some black mafia shit but really only gays kiss each other on the lips which is fine, but is black mafia the new gay then? Whatever.

The Game — The Doctor’s Advocate
This album was aight but, like Bastid says, every song is basically “Yo blood, Dre told me that Snoop said that Scott Stortch is gonna bring Eazy-E to my birthday party.” Too much name droppingness. Grow up.

Jay-Z — Kingdom Come
This was not very good—lyrically the ugly guy with the hot girlfriend was pissing his pants and crapping the bed like a three-year-old alcoholic. Hmmmm, I just thought of a moderately funny name: Peter Pants. Sorry.

Project Pat — Crook By The Book: The Fed Story
If Jay-Z is a bad lyricist, then Project Pat is the baddest lyricist everest. Except that he’s awesome ‘cause I like ignorant music. His choruses are hilarious and he’s got one of the most original styles in all of rap. Dope.

Ludacris — Release Therapy
Luda albums are usually like a good funny sitcom because he’s a good funny emcee. Usually I can listen to his albums three or four times like a Simpsons episode but I don’t really care about watching this album again. Skip.

AZ — The Inspiration
Damn, I was really hoping this album was gonna be better. There are some jams on here and he can rap really good but I wanted more better. “Royal Salute” kills shit though.

Nas — Hip Hop Is Dead
From a DJ perspective this album is both useless and adult contemporary. On the other hand—Wow, Nas is probably the best actual rapper in the world right now.

Snoop­ — The Blue Carpet Treatment
I think that this album is good but I can’t remember anything about it other than producer Rick Rock is obsessed with the Digable Planets and is “Vato” an anti-Latino song? Fizzle.

Young Jeezy — The Inspiration: Thug Motivation 102
I didn’t used to like this guy but now I think his retarded style is hilarious, his extra retarded ad-libs are extra hilarious and he had good beats on his first album. This, however, is his second album.

Ghostface — More Fish
This album is dope, it’s basically a Theodore Unit posse album but Ghost and Trife kill it. The crew’s cracker rapper, Sean Wigg, on the other hand, needs to be killed. He does a song about playing poker for fuck’s sake.

Clipse — Hell Hath No Fury
This is so much the best album of the year that it doesn’t matter that they rock Bathing Ape gear which is pretty much nursery school patterns on adult clothes made by someone who collects toys and is endorsed by American crack dealers and falsetto singers who then inspire rich white kids and young Asians worldwide how to dress ugly without thinking. Serious, this album has it all—beats, rhymes and no filler, no fluff.

That’s done ‘cause I didn’t care enough to hear the new Lloyd Banks, Fat Joe, Eminem’s Re-Up project or the Diddy.

Shows: Q-Bert is December 23 at Richard’s, Snoop and Ice Cube is January 13 at Pacific Coliseum.

Lastly, it’s December so RIP Lee Avers Matasi & Alexis Mazurin.

  • Comments
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

Brain Drain

The Drunken Arseholes

The Drunken Arseholes Return

Poo poo pee pee ca ca doo doo. Worst intro ever. My brain is sorta completely mushed up as a result of my new weekly, Go Dumb! Saturday night at the Columbia, which are stupid doo doo dumb fun.

You know how on game shows like Family Feud you can choose to pass—what if you could do that in real life? Awesomeness. That’s what that’d be. Potato salad brain. I got it and the mayonnaise is getting rancid. Rap news. No Dre production on Games’ new album, but I’m feeling the beat and the Junior Reid on his street single “It’s Okay (One Blood).” Locally, my people, Moves & Cee!!!!!!!! aka The Drunken Arseholes, are dropping their sophomore LP Rural Pimps this month and it’s the most original, honest, and bugged out music coming out of Canada right now. Pure Nova Scotian insanity from true rap characters. Heat. Cop it. Also POSer’s Triforce Omega have a new album out too.

Shows. Bone Thugs & Harmony, my favorite R&B group (besides New Edition) are somehow playing here on Friday the 26th at Plush. I didn’t really like them when they first came out but now I think their sing-song thug style is amazing. Plus they’ve got silly names like the Seven Dwarfs. Still, I wonder how many of them are actually gonna make it across the border to perform.

I’m feeling like two bucks right now, which is not even enough to ride the bus. Okay, let’s see. Ummm, Lenny Diko and his UIYB crew have an open mic rap night at the Cobalt—of all places—on a Tuesday, but I’m not sure of how often it happens each month. But if you wanna try performing then it’s worth investigating.

Spectrum’s got a busy month with Zion I, Classified, and The Grouch on the 19th, Madlib, PB Wolf, Percee P, and other Stone Throwers on the 21st, Lyrics Born, Cut Chemist, and Pigeon John on the 24th, Jurassic 5, and Rhymefest on the 29th and 30th, and Lady Sovereign on November 10. Emotionz is throwing the Rent Money 2 freestyle battle on the 21st at the Pic. Get at him to register if you think you can take it. Most importantly, the best personality in rap, Devin the Dude from Houston is playing on Halloween Tuesday at Richard’s on Richards. He’s honestly the best, so be sure to catch this guaranteed good show.

5. Jerk Chicken
4. Tongue In Cheek
3. Child Rearing
2. Brown Baggin’ It
1. Missionary

5. Is this thing on?
4. Pull over, I gotta pee.
3. This party sucks.
2. Are we there yet?
1. I’m ready to apologise now.

5. Shoplifting
4. Shucking Corn
3. Spreading STDs
2. Feeding Orphans
1. Wearing A Hat

5. Does this shirt make my cock look big?
4. Are you my real dad?
3. How much PCP is too much PCP?
2. Is this really the best place to talk to local single women in my area?
1. Are your drugs good?

  • Comments
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

What do you do with a blue monkey?

Buy me a booze

Willie Poop. That’s a funny name. I’m allergic to being broke and my allergies are acting up. The funny thing is that if I had lots of money – I’d be rich. Then I could buy a pony. Pony’s, besides being a sorta useless giant pet, cost a lot of money to take care of. You don’t just get a pony cause one followed you home. You need a ranch and a trainer and organic carrots and stuff. But if I had a pony I’d let him get fat and lazy like me. I’d call him Unicef and I’d attach a tip jar on his horse head like a Unicorn’s horn. Also when I’m rich I’m only gonna eat shrimp. At those cook-at-your-table sushi places they got Japanese cooks who can flip shrimp into your month. I’d buy one of those guys. Also those little frozen pizza’s are the shit.

So, who wants to be a rapper? Too many people. There’s far too many rappers today. We need more rap fans and less kids who freestyle at me. More White kids need to start playing guitar again – that’s a real skill to have. You can entertain at campfires and you can grow your hair long and your mom can say “… and no guitar for a week!” when you get grounded. Being able to go, “I’m flipping the shit and ripping the shit and dipping the shit and taking a shit – straight off the dome, yo!” while imitating a rapper you saw on a SMACK DVD is not a real practical skill. Seriously. And anyway, if you wanna be a real rapper now you gotta pay your dues as a crack dealer. Crack dealers are the new rap superstars.
Crack and rap go together like tiny old Chinese ladys who’s language you can’t understand and empty beer cans worth a nickel. And if you 13 and you live with your two Dads who still take you to soccer camp, then technically you’re not a “hustler” yet.

Rap albums to look out for. New Clipse. New Raekwon. New Nas. New AZ. New Project Pat. New going more dumb. It’s back to school time so I guess that means that I’m still unemployed. Summer was good. Bar-b-que’s are the shit. We need more street drinking here though. In Montreal basically all you do is drink in the streets 24/7 cause no one knows how to party harder than depressed alcoholics. You can trust me on that or you can join me on that. What’s up with skateboarding coming back? Even ethnic kids are into it. I guess it’s funner than doing homework. My boy Matt’s got a new T-shirt line out called Finale. Jihad.

Shows. Live rap every week Wednesday at the Pic with the Killing Time/DDR guys. DJ Assault is bringing his unique brand of filthy sex bass music to the Colombia this Saturday the 16th for the Kids night. If you’re a guy and you rock a pink Bandana than you probably already knew about this. Also POS & DDR are rocking @ The Spot Monday’s at Sonar on the 18tth. As well peep the 604 Hip Hop Expo—lotta different stuff happening at it including a Clash, some learning and our favorite TV cop—Ice T (more info at www.604hiphopexpo.com ). Plus my very own Welfare Party presents Menace II Sobriety will return shortly (RIP Tokyo Lounge).

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the car. Robin, get in the car.


1. Fire
2. Butcher Knife
3. Fiber Glass Insulation
4. Bumble Bee
5. A Couch

  • Comments
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +
  • +

« Older