VANCOUVER

Thursday, September 21, 2017

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Because we have been waiting for you for a decade

Don’t Dance

On dozens of occasions over the last 10 years Vancouver liquor board inspectors, both openly and in covert operations, have infiltrated the Urban Well restaurant/bar/joint to discover people holding glasses (but no napkins!), drinking at the bar, walking about, or allowing their bodies to move in a rhythmic manner.

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Halloweiners

Halloween is a time when we all get to pretend to be something we’re not, to be ghouls and devils and fairy princesses. Politicians, however, spend their entire careers pretending to be something they’re not—honest, helpful, sober.

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Harperism

Stephen Harper

President Stephen Harper wants more guns, less art, no gays, and all the kids to go to Afghanistan and protect America by making them hate Canada more. Only doesn’t think King Steve goes far enough.

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Broken Windows In The City Of Glass

Kim Kapri

One woman’s vision

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Free Love Is Expensive

The Georgia Straight's SUV gets 20MPG

As Marcel Proust wrote in À la recherche du temps perdu, nostalgia is a rat bite on your crotch.

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86’d

Expo is now touted as the catalyst that transformed Vancouver from a small city in the middle of nowhere to the sophisticated, cosmopolitan city we hear about but can’t quite see.

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Holy Blood

Everything in this week’s Last Stand is true.
Jesus rode into a Greek restaurant, ordered grappa all round, knocked around a piñata with his mates, ‘The Disciples’, then everybody formed a conga line out to Golgotha where they put on a tightly rehearsed cabaret ending with Christ hanging from a cross.

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We Built This [Terminal] City

Terminal City Issue #1, Dec 30, 1992. Layout by Darren Atwater

And now it is gone

Terminal City is officially dead. In most instances death is a horrible thing, and in some cases death is tragic, but in the case of Terminal City, it’s a relief. The deterioration of the weekly that many of us had worked so hard on for so many years was sad and painful to watch. What once was an often despised, sometimes venerated and always-reckless media stalwart, ended its life as a watered down mockery of the journalism it had set out to destroy in the first place. It may be hard to remember, but TC wasn’t always this shoddy. In fact, the paper that many are eulogizing now has only been around for just over a year. Terminal City itself has a history that goes back well over a decade, and just as one would do at the funeral of any former friend, we’ve decided to highlight some of those high points, and joke about the bad.

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Poprah!

Poprah!

With a dead Pope swathed in the traditional garments of death: velvet and satin, choosing a successor is number one on every in-Cardinal’s list. While the herds of pilgrims make their way to the old Pope, trendsetters are looking ahead to the future, the next hot thing. Sure the last Pope was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for defeating communism and bringing together religious homophobes from across the globe, but we here at Only think it’s time to diversify the Popefolio. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia website the Pope serves as an infallible figurehead possessing, in general, “exemption or immunity from liability to error or failure; in particular in theological usage, the supernatural prerogative by which the Church of Christ is, by a special Divine assistance, preserved from liability to error in her definitive dogmatic teaching regarding matters of faith and morals.” Though the remaining Catholic Church claims to have a stronghold on the available infallibles, we think there are a few overlooked applicants who fit the description.

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Granville Maul

Photo by Chuck Ansbacher

Many businesses along Granville are going to be charged an additional 30 per cent rent. Nearly one-third of their rent will be bumped to help pay for all those tourists expected to hop on the Skytrain and be taken out to…not-Granville Street.

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