Elector Or Collector
Student Loans Goons Are Looking For Your Vote
Just when you were thinking of leaving the safety of your domestic environment and stepping out to partake in your civic duty to vote, Jean-Pierre Kingsley has given reluctant participants another reason to say fuck it. Undoing years of marketing strategies designed to make voting appealing to the 18-24 set, and our nation’s criminals, Kinglsley suggested that voter information be made public in the interest of National safety and security. Better think twice about answering the door to that pesky voter registrar.
In a recommendation to Parliament, Kinglsley, Canada’s chief electoral officer, pressed for changes to the way voter information is collected and shared. Frustrated by his lack of power, and inability for his office to protect Canadians, Kingsley cited the 1997 Manitoba floods as an example where information about voters could save helped authorities with evacuations and searches. With the noble intention of saving Canadian lives, Kingsley made voting, already looked upon by many as a pointless venture, all the more enticing by asking Parliament for the ability to share information from the National Register of Electors to agencies like CSIS in times of National crisis.
In a September 29th press conference Kingsley came up with all kinds of ideas about how to improve the Canadian Voters Act, like having the power to review the financial reports of political parties, and allowing Canadians to register with their income tax returns. He assured reporters in attendance that his ideas were solely his own and not motivated by any other agenda, political or otherwise, and that they came out of his own mind. His agenda is one of public safety, of course. He even went as far as to suggest that certain threats to National security may force him to break the law should the situation present itself and Canadian safety be threatened. Kingsley, bald, and clad in a gray suit, fielded questions about his recommendations and admitted the sharing of voter information was a controversial one. Organizations like Rush the Vote, a campaign based on the popular US “Rock the Vote” formed to generate political interest amongst Canadian youth must have been shaking their heads as Kingsley undid all their rocking hard work. At the very least he could have arranged for sexy lighting and an appearance by Chantal Kreviazuk. There’s nothing more uncool than having the Government gum flapping about your sordid living situation. Flood or no flood.
Kingsley assured Canadians in his press conference that if his recommendations were put into effect they wouldn’t take hold until the next year. Which should give you plenty of time to clean up your act, and perhaps get a place of your own, so that no one will ever find out you’ve been living with mom for the past three years in an east side basement with shared kitchen and bath. Rush the Vote on the other hand, has its work cut out for them.