VANCOUVER

Saturday, May 27, 2017

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Because we have been waiting for you for a decade

Help time with Amil Niazi (™)

Dear Amil,

A couple of weeks ago I got super-drunk at my local bar and maybe embarrassed myself in front of the staff. What’s the protocol for returning to the scene?

Signed,
Just Another Night of Krazy Youth

Dear It happens to all of us okay?

Sounds to me like you did nothing wrong. That bar is taking your money, sometimes all of it, so they should be well prepared for the logical ending to the time-honoured tradition of trading spare change for double whiskeys. You march back in there, get even drunker this time, and show them nobody puts JANKY in a corner.

Dear Amil,

For some reason I’m deeply affected by celebrity deaths. I had to take a day off when I heard about Heath Ledger, and this Natasha Richardson thing is really getting to me (even though I don’t totally know who she is). Am I completely crazy, or should I just stop reading celebrity gossip?

Signed,
Moe

Dear Rock of Love: Heaven edition,

It’s natural to be moved by death, especially when you didn’t know the person and their passing in no way affects your day-to-day reality. In fact, as far as you know, this person sort of only exists to you because they died (whoa, META!) and the next time you even think of them will be when their picture appears on-screen during the Oscar’s dead celebrities tribute. Just kidding, you’re crazy. Wear a helmet when you ski!

Dear Readers,

I noticed that teen pregnancy rates continue to climb in the U.S. and addiction reality shows are at an all-time high, so where are your advice questions?

Send any and all queries to: helptimewithamil@onlymagazine.ca

Anonymity guaranteed.

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