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Sunday, June 25, 2017

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Because we have been waiting for you for a decade

Help time with Amil Niazi (™)

helptimewithAmil@onlymagazine.ca

Dear Amil,

I’m considering dropping out of a Master’s Degree Program because it’s so new (in it’s second year) and it’s not really doing much for me. Beginning things and then feeling like it’s not a fit is pretty typical of my life. I’ve already done an undergraduate degree and a degree in education. The thing is too that I’ve been in school for 6 and a half years STRAIGHT! I finished my undergrad in July ’07, started my B.Ed in September ’07, finished my B.Ed in June ’08, and started doing this Masters program in September ’08. No real break ya know? I don’t know what to do…

I took a year off in my undergrad and came back despite what everyone thought, i.e. that I wasn’t going to go back and I did! I even excelled and did amazing and went on to get into one of the two best teacher’s college in Canada. So, if I take a year or more off and want to return to the Masters, I will!

Help me get my feet back on the ground, won’t you pleeeaaaseee, help me!

Signed,
Somebody

Dear It’s Time To Get A Real Job,

First of all, you completed your degree in education in one year? Well, la dee da. Second of all, you are absolutely right, it is time for you to grow up and stop eating ramen noodles in bed. You people still eat those, right? (Hold on, by “you people” I mean communists, so just relax.) Your condition is known as floundering, so defer your current Masters (of being a bum!) and take some time to re-evaluate what exactly it is you want out of clown college.

Hope that helps!

Dear Amil,

My friend and I discovered over the weekend that we suffer from the same affliction: boyfriend with iPhone. Now I love technology and its benefits, but it’s difficult to not be irritated when your loved one is constantly texting, emailing, blogging or bridge playing during times when simply patience is required, such as waiting for a turn at Scrabble or making a stir fry. Is it justifiable to tell these fuckers to grow up, or can we just not handle the FUTURE?

Sincerely,
I know I’m not married, but wireless is only one letter away from wifeless

Dear n00b,

If I could become pure energy and enter the mainframe, I would. Technology is amazing, and until we are able to make a digital stir fry, all mundane, “human” activity will be trumped by a touch screen. Your primitive nature may serve you well in the apocalypse, but even then Scrabble will be boring.

Dear Amil,

I am having a boy problem. This boy I know wants to take me to dinner. He asked me out via text message. There are a few issues I have, and I am hoping you can give me some guidance in this matter. Issue one: This boy is the brother of a friend/coworker. I’m not too keen on mixing business with pleasure. #2: I had a sex dream about my friend/coworker, and both parties know (I think it’s hilarious and it would never happen in real life). #3: I’m not attracted to him romantically, but don’t want to be rude. How do I come out of this with it not being awkward, and things remaining as much the same as possible.

Sincerely,
Lost little lamb

Dear Blah, blah, blah,

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