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Thursday October 18, 2007

- 3 After a purse snatching the other night, the VPD are urging women not to keep anything of value, including their wallet, ID and house keys, in their purse. Instead, they suggest keeping all that stuff in your pockets. That way if the bad men want your money, they really have to take it from you.

+6 The Thai police have issued a warrant for the arrest of the Canadian pedophile rumoured to be molesting children in their country. If for some reason you happen to be in Thailand, for the love of God, do not let this man give your son snorkeling lessons.

- 8 President Bush warned the world yesterday that if Iran ever attains a nuclear weapon, WWIII may erupt. Well, at least that’s what he meant to say. What he actually said was “If Iran ever gets a nucular weapon, www.tittyfuckers… wait, that’s the homepage for my internet.”

- 1 Best Buy has decided to stop selling analog TVs because the only people who still try to buy them generally have horrible body odour, and always make a scene when they find out that season two of Mama’s Family hasn’t come out on DVD yet.

+4 In a truly odd political stunt, Dick Cheney and Barack Obama have decided to release a sex tape.

+2 Tiger Woods has inked a $100 million endorsement deal with popular sports beverage Gatorade, which will include launching a special variety of Gatorade known as “Gatorade Tiger”. Genius!

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