VIDEODRONE

By only

Monday August 13, 2007

NEW MOVIE MONDAYS
Fracture
If you ever have the chance to sit in a room with a bunch of unemployed male actors, do it. They are just the most fun. About ten years ago all these guys were jacking it to Ed Norton like it was their job (because it is). Now? It’s Ryan Gosling. Ever since Half Nelson came out and Gosling got the Oscar nomination, he’s been the wannabe actor/fan-boy idol of choice. And for a moment we were convinced too. He did a great job in Half Nelson… But this movie sucked. It was some of the most melodramatic horse-shit we’ve ever encountered. Tony Hopkins and Gosling both come at it with “accents” that are good for half a chuckle, but past that, meh.


The Lookout
All those fan boys wacking it to Ryan Gosling should get a clue and grow a crush Joseph Gordon-Levit, or as we like to call him, Jo-Go. We don’t play that hyphenated last name game because we don’t believe in it. Simple as that… Jo-Go gets our pick for “next Gosling.” Or if you’re hanging with a bunch of philosophy majors, “thinking man’s Gosling.” With Brick and now this, he’s making some interesting choices. They may not be Ed Norton in the Nineties choices, but these are the times we live in. (See what we thought when it was in theaters.)


Inland Empire
Inland Empire is fucked up. Granted everyone was pretty stoned by the time this got put on, but the whole movie within a movie thing still had us totally confused and scared shitless. Somewhere around the two hour mark it began to feel as if we were actually starring in our own movie that was about dimwit writers that had to review the latest David Lynch movie. Time came to a standstill, we started talking in foreign languages, and were undoubtedly seconds away from appearing in the film with a bunny suit on. This experience is not recommended to anyone. (See what we thought when it was in theaters.)


Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Film for Theaters
Not all of us are Aqua Teen lifers, just all but one of us. This Aqua Teens movie had the funniest opening scene ever, and then it’s just a super long ten-minute-episode, best watched in ten minute increments to keep morale high and fatigue at bay.


Wild Hogs
It would really suck to be in your fifties, and still have to worry about keeping the fact that you’re gay a secret.


Vacancy
With horror films lately, the rule seems to be the less plot, the better. So how’s this for less plot: A couple are driving at night and they get lost, and their car breaks down. They decide to stay at a motel and then the owners try to kill them and video-tape it. One half of the couple dies, the other lives. But then they both live. They don’t get tortured, but they see videos of people getting tortured and they kill some people. Basic, right? And true to the rule, awesome. AND! The director’s first name is Nimrod.