VIDEODRONE

By only

Tuesday August 7, 2007

NEW MOVIE MONDAYS TUESDAYS
Disturbia
This is essentially a remake of Rear Window, but instead you know the bad guy is bad for the entire movie and the heroes are in their teens. It’s pretty fun, and stars Vanity Fair cover boy Shia LaBeouf and… Hey did you know that he pronounces his name “Shy-uh Luh-Buff”? Does anyone else out there think that’s a strange way to pronounce that name? We would have guesses “Shee-uh La-Boof “. But oh well, he’s got a tough name for a kid growing up in LA. It’s not like he’s French or anything. He’s a total American and he’s got a fruity name. Haha! Sucks to be you, twenty-year-old Emmy winner.


I Think I Love My Wife
Chris Rock fights the good fight here, and targets a film at a very small niche market: the married black guy. Statistics show that only about five percent of black males get married, and the on-the-road lifestyle during the season of whichever sport they play can be pretty grueling. Needless to say, the spare time that the average married black male has rarely gets spent watching romantic comedies. They really prefer putting a lot of money into their cars, drinking and having sex. Date night rarely features a movie, but when it does you better believe that movie is Scarface or Good Fellas. Not some “don’t cheat on your wife” propaganda bullshit.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
If the original Turtles movie holds a warm spot in your heart at all, this CG upgrade is a little weird. Where the original had a gritty, grimy quality to it, with teenage gangs robbing and smoking on the streets of NY, this new one is super polished. Way more along the lines of Secret of the Ooze, but also combined with a lot of supernatural shit and minus the Vanilla Ice. So it’s sort of like watching the original cartoon TV show, but not as good. Basically, if you need a Turtles fix there are way better ways to get one, but in the end this is still a fix. It’s just cut with a lot of baking soda and maybe tastes like Splenda.