Friday, June 22, 2018

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Because we have been waiting for you for a decade

Ween, Sally Shapiro, Spank Rock and Benny Blanco & Chromatics

Ween – La Cucaracha
Meg: The first time I ever saw a Ween video was on Beavis and Butthead, when I was baby-sitting in grade seven. I went to Sam the Record Man and the only Ween album I found had a chest-shot of a lady with no bra on and her shirt pulled up. I was flat as a board and super offended and I actually vowed to never listen to another Ween album ever.

Jeph: It’s probably good you waited. I haven’t listened to much Ween in the past, but I’m sure this must be their best album. It’s definitely better than most Ween I’ve heard before. Sure, some songs on this album are revoltingly horrible, but “Your Party” is one of the greatest songs ever recorded. And it’s especially relevant to life partners such as ourselves because it’s about a husband and wife.

Meg: If I worked for Rolling Stone, I would probably go as far to say that “Your Party” just saved rock’n’roll.

Jeph: Definitely. I’d say it reincarnated rock. Because rock was buried deep beneath the earth with hip-hop and R&B standing over top saying: “Suck it, you white muthafucka!” But this really reincarnated rock.

Sally Shapiro – Disco Romance
It’s hard to believe that this album wasn’t made with the intention of serving as a soundtrack for some kind of 1980s children’s fantasy movie. It’s certainly more fitting for a soundtrack than for dancing. The album is called “Disco Romance”, but the songs aren’t romantic: they’re a little bit sad and a little bit scary, kind of like Glen Close’s character in Fatal Attraction. Not that we’re suggesting that Sally Shapiro has borderline personality disorder or anything. The songs are technically disco, but a good dance song should be like the house song Matt Damon describes in Good Will Hunting. A nice slow build-up to get everyone going and then just let loose with the 4/4 bass beats. Go Matt Damon!

Spank Rock and Benny Blanco – Bangers & Cash
Jeph: I thought this would be better than it actually is. I love dirty rap, but this is just a bit boring. What do you think?

Meg: There is no boring dirty rap, only boring people. As a woman, I totally appreciate songs like “B-O-O-T-A-Y” that offer a woman’s perspective on the issue of gigantic asses. I mean, sure, some of us may have gigantic asses, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have other assets worth paying attention to.

Jeph: Good call. I never really thought of these songs from the woman’s perspective. I guess these songs are all about women. You can tell by the titles like “Pu$$y”, “Loose”, and “Bitch!”. Still though, I’d take a real rapper any day over some postmodern rap-reference like this.

Meg: Me too. I guess if I was in 2 Live Crew, I’d be like: “Thanks for making a tribute album to me, Spank Rock and Benny Blanco, but next time make it better.”

Chromatics – Night Drive
One of the worst things about going to high school in the mid to late ’90s was that technology was making it possible for every loser with a decent computer to make their own “music”. And we had to triple-check the liner notes on this album to make sure that this band didn’t record this in one of our schools’ Recording Arts programs. Although it appears that no one in this band was among our old school-chums, that doesn’t mean that we can’t act like friends and give them some good advice: Hey Chromatics, get a life! doesn’t have enough money to buy every copy of your album so try making some real music. That’s just our opinion, but this is really bad.

  1. Borderlineschizo

    ok, la cucaracha isn’t even close to the best ween album, and maybe “with my own bare hands” saved rock n’ roll, but not “my party”

    you should have looked beyond the cover of “chocolate and cheese” back in grade 7 and listened to the fucking album because you’d be cooler and happier

    and yes, there’s always a song or two on every one of their albums that’s unlistenable, and this time around there’s a couple of doozies

    i figure they must be trying to draw in the clubbin’ gay boys with “friends” and the suburban youth with their vomit inducing sum 182 or blink 65 impersonation on “shamemaker”

    there’s fantastic irony in it all, but sometimes it’s not enough

    hmmm…i’d rather listen to white pepper or quebec or the mollusk, but there’s a couple of gems that’ll make it on the playlist

    oh yeah, and go to their show, you won’t regret it

    - Oct 21, 07:43 PM

  2. pop tart

    almost as funny as when the georgia straight references pitchfork.

    chromatics are bad and a ween song is the best song ever recorded?

    - Oct 22, 09:21 PM


    Hey Tart-o, maybe you didn’t notice but p-fork gave that Chromatics album a rave review and it is horrible. Bums like you who listen to everything they tell you aren’t smart.

    I don’t care about Ween.

    - Oct 22, 10:04 PM

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