Out of school and in need of a summer job? Are you energetic and outgoing? Looking to start an exciting career in the world of marketing and promotion? Are you a heavy-set male with a goatee that will play air guitar on a busy street? Get on a pair of sandals and apply today.

Every Spring we see a handful of job postings for “entry-level marketing and promotion” positions. Do not apply to them unless you genuinely want to be Mountain Dew’s version of a guy in a chicken suit or inside a sandwich board promoting WrapZone. You will spend your summer hanging out with a super energetic jock in board shorts and wrap-arounds handing out samples of a new candy-coated nut at the PNE. If that sort of thing appeals to you, at least apply to that company that has those people walking around on Commercial and Broadway with signs that say “PRO-LIFE.” You’d be laughed at a little less and a dead fetus gets the message across more efficiently than a rice cracker-thin model any day.