only magazine

↵ home

Credit Check: Time For A Power Donut

By only

Wednesday August 5, 2009

+40 We’re not only hot, we’re bothered

+10 At least four killed in suburban health club shooting. Perry Calabro was playing racquetball inside. He says when the shooting began “everybody started running.” Nice work Globe and Mail, it’s always fun to slip in a little wink wink when reporting on the DEATH OF FOUR PEOPLE.

+5 US Marines ban social network sites including Twitter. Yes, hard as it is to believe there are people that actually go fight wars still. No, we don’t have to socialize with them anymore.

0 Father regrets encouraging son, 7, to drive family SUV. Let’s see how this gum chewing little shit likes a knee in the back and a shot of TAZER. Welcome to the real world of driving, kid. You think we’re being a bit extreme? Just look at this! EPIDEMIC!

-10 Clinton smooths over Kim: journos free. Oh, sure, they’re free alright, but the real punishment is the fact that part of the deal has them required to spend 3 filthy days with ultra-perv Clinton on his private yacht anchored just off the coast. (helicopters will have them there in minutes, the poor things)

Today: +100 This Year: Let’s talk about it.